All posts by Yasmine

About Yasmine

I like orange sunshine and blue slurpees.

postscript Due to popular demand, and because I r…

postscript

Due to popular demand, and because I really want to update but can’t since I have highly annoying papers to write, I’m instead posting my article that was published in the South Asian magazine on campus. Long-time readers may be interested to know it’s an edited and slightly more formalized version of this post from April 2003. The “infamous poem” is having issues being uploaded properly, so I guess I’ll have to resort to other measures. It’s 2 pages (with 2 columns per page) on a Word document, so that’s a lot of scrolling if I just simply post it here. Let me know if you’re up for it.

[M is for Multiculturalism]

As an undergraduate student, I currently hold an internship with the campus Multicultural Immersion Program. A subdivision of the university’s Counseling Center, the Multicultural Immersion Program is an intensive internship geared towards educating and training selected student leaders in workshop development and implementation in the areas of race relations, intercultural communication, and related diversity issues. As campus diversity facilitators, we’re required to put together workshops and presentations designed to foster understanding of multicultural issues.

People constantly, curiously ask me why I’m a part of this program. My way of looking at it is that people need to be educated. About me, about you, about themselves.

My story: I was born and raised in the United States, and spent eighteen months living in Pakistan, my parents’ homeland, when I was 13-14 years old. In the process, I learned to accept the inevitable truth that Pakistan was also my own homeland, even though I hadn’t been born there. Before living in Pakistan, I had considered myself neither wholly American nor wholly Pakistani. This predicament placed me in an uncomfortable state of limbo, although, as a child, I think I tended to lean toward the Western culture I grew up surrounded by. My ambivalent attitude, however, changed after living in Pakistan. Through first-hand experience, I absorbed details about Pakistan and its religion, culture, and customs, as well as about the people and their way of life—also my way of life during the time I was there. Hard work and a complete immersion in the Pakistani culture were the starting points towards the discovery of my roots. Life in Pakistan taught me to appreciate the best of both East and West, and to consequently reconcile the two.

But I’ll be fair and admit that life in Pakistan wasn’t always perfect. For eighteen months, I missed “real” chocolate, had cravings for Bakers Square cream pies, cursed the fact that the electricity went out a dozen times a day, cringed at the lizards on the walls and the cockroaches in the bathrooms, prayed that I wouldn’t fall into the well during my amateur attempts at drawing up water, and put up with the stereotypical “desi aunties” who visited us in a nonstop stream for eighteen months (ostensibly to welcome us to the village, but their bluntly-put ulterior motives were more along the lines of obtaining American visas for their sons/nephews/grandsons/brothers/etc.).

It really wasn’t until after I returned to the U.S. that I appreciated how much the time I spent in Pakistan increased my depth of world knowledge. I’m exceedingly grateful not only to have had the opportunity to broaden my horizons, but also to have been blessed with the ability to integrate aspects of two very different cultures into my life. My pride in my Pakistani heritage has given me a self-confidence and sense of self-worth that I cannot but believe I would have lacked otherwise. While the process of reconciling my two identities was a long and difficult one for me, I feel that I have finally reached a point in my life where I am fully comfortable with my ethnicity and heritage, to the extent that I have lost the defensive feeling that initially characterized my responses to peoples’ questions about my ethnicity or religion. Now that I am secure in my own racial identity, I am able to interact with people of other ethnicities and educate them about my race and religion without feeling defensive or suspicious of their motives in expressing interest in these topics.

As individuals, we all fashion our own sense of identity, and the process often takes years, even a lifetime. Each of you probably already know this from your own experiences. But in the end, though, it’s difficult to find peace and contentment in one’s personally chosen identity if the rest of the world doesn’t understand it at all. What good does that sense of personal content do for you then? Living in a self-enclosed bubble doesn’t prepare one for real life. Even in our modern, forward-thinking world today, people stereotype each other’s identities, or scorn and mock them, or deliberately refuse to further understand them, and in the process they belittle something that is inherently precious to each individual, no matter how widely each person’s sense of identity differs from another’s. It therefore remains to each individual to educate the rest of the world about his identity, so that others can understand it does matter.

I personally feel that educating the people I come across throughout my daily life is an important step towards enhancing intercultural relations in our society. In one of my sociology courses, I once watched a video called The Way Home, in which dozens of women were separated by racial identity and then left to talk among themselves about their experiences within the definitions of that category. One of the things that struck me the most was hearing an Arab woman, tired of the association of Arabs with terrorists and oppressed women, say in exasperation, “We accuse people of not understanding us, but at the same time we refuse to speak out about who we really are.” Exactly.

Last year, I enrolled in Sociology 30A, the first in a two-part series entitled “Intercultural Relations in Multicultural Societies.” One of the topics that hit closest to home for me was that of incorporating immigrants into the society of their adopted homeland. As my professor explained, there are three methods of incorporation: exclusion (immigrants are viewed as second-class citizens or temporary guests in their adopted country, and are “segregated” from the natives), assimilation (immigrants learn a new language and culture, completely giving up their old ones), and multiculturism (immigrants are bilingual and bicultural).

When the professor asked the class at large to express their opinions regarding immigrant assimilation, many students raised their hands and brought up a point on which I agreed: that immigrants should most definitely make an attempt to learn the language of their adopted country, because only then will they be able to interact with their neighbors and colleagues. The same students also added that while language skills are essential, immigrants should be allowed to retain their ethnic identities as well. While I was nodding my head in agreement over the previous students’ responses, the professor called on another student in the back of the class.

Listening to the next student speak, I found myself taking offense at what I perceived as his lack of respect for cultures and heritages beyond those of America. I disliked his condescending tone when pronouncing, “In order to survive in America, you have to walk the American walk and play the American game, and in order to play the game you have to speak the language and wear the same clothing as the American people wear.” Continuing further, he held forth his personal view that it was perfectly fine for immigrants to speak their native languages and wear their ethnic dress while in the privacy of their own homes, but when venturing out into public, the same immigrants should be required to wear American clothing and speak English.

I believe my disbelief and irritation were fully apparent from the look on my face, and I saw others sitting around me glance nervously towards me during the student’s discourse. While I sat staring at him with my eyebrow raised in utter exasperation, those around me were busy taking in my headscarf and semi-ethnic form of dress (jeans and a Pakistani kameez). Before the student in the back raised his hand and shared his views, I hadn’t been planning on putting forth my own opinion of immigrant assimilation, because I felt that the students who spoke prior to him had already emphasized most of what I also thought about the situation. However, this particular student’s patronizing view towards assimilation, and his firm belief that all immigrants should be required to hide any vestiges or signs of their ethnic backgrounds while in public annoyed me enough that I raised my own hand and stated my own views on the matter. Although I now somewhat regret the sarcastic and combative way in which I began my “obviously I speak fluent English and wear my ethnic clothing at the same time” approach to addressing the other student’s views, I am glad that I had the courage to speak up when I disagreed with what he said. While I firmly agree that immigrants should make every attempt to learn the language of their adopted country, I just as firmly believe that no immigrant should be required to compromise his ethnicity and heritage just to fit into the cookie-cutter patterns dictated by society.

Although I was born and raised in the U.S., my parents and relatives did a commendable job of ensuring that I never lost my sense of identity in terms of being a Pakistani Muslim. As a result, I consider myself to be bicultural and multilingual. While strangers may take one look at me wearing my native dress in public and instantly judge me as a “fresh off the boat” immigrant who most likely does not speak a word of English, I am completely comfortable in my identity as a woman who has learned to integrate both the East and the West into her life.

I’ve learned that it’s all about compromise. And it’s about “optional identities” too, in which people take the best of all their cultures and make that their identity, picking and choosing from their various identities that which they specifically wish to incorporate into their lives. Balancing or juggling identities is often a circus act, and eventually one becomes proficient at the pick-and-choose aspect of optional identities. In the end, I think, it’s all about choosing the most appealing from everything that one is handed, and making that our own personal way of life.

UPDATE: Check out Annie‘s May 11, 2004 post for an interesting perspective.

join the club Two flyers I noticed the other da…

join the club

Two flyers I noticed the other day while taking a psychology midterm I most likely failed but that’s okay:

“MAKE BEARDS NOT BOMBS”

– and –

“All the COOL guys have beards.

WHY DON’T YOU?”

In a seeming reference to the Campus Crusade for Christ (a student organization on our university campus), the bottom of each flyer states:

“Brought to you by the Beard Liberation Front.

(Which, of course, has nothing to do with the Campus Crusade for Chaos & Confusion, nope, nope, no connection whatsoever.)”

I’ve been having mentally slow days lately, so the irony is all lost on me and I can’t tell whether the Campus Crusade (while being coy and protesting a bit too much) actually did design the flyers, or whether some other group posted them in a deliberate dig at the Crusade. Why would the Campus Crusade be talking about beards anyway? Then again, the prophet Jesus (peace and blessings of God be upon him) is commonly depicted by non-Muslims as bearded.

But whatever. All I know is that the Muslim Students Association couldn’t have come up with the flyers, because, quite frankly, my MSA just isn’t that funny, and they’re a bit too prim and proper to be engaging in such bizarre, comical antics. But it’s okay, my MSA is cool for the most part, kinda sorta sometimes. Now the MSA at UC Berkeley, on the other hand… I can just see them doing something like this. Huh, Bean? You know it.

But I go to school with weird people, too. Who woulda thought.

surely we belong to God and surely we will return …

surely we belong to God and surely we will return to Him

Everyone, please take a few moments to pray for Arshad‘s father, who passed away Saturday.

I wish we could do more, Arshad. But all we truly have to offer are prayers. So – May God grant you a reunion with your father in Jannat-al-Firdaus, the highest level of heaven. May He reward him for all his good deeds, and forgive any sins. May the good he did always live on, multiplying infinitely. May He bless your family, and guide you all through this time of sorrow. Ameen.

the problem lies elsewhere, always, of course

the problem lies elsewhere, always, of course

My friend, H, is a Cuban-American convert to Islam. His roommate is an international student from Saudi Arabia. They’re both good-natured and funny, and most of the time they get along really well, but once in a while they’ll burst out with the arguing and aggravate each other to no end. A few evenings ago, for example, they had a tense disagreement about some irrelevant issue.

H is a softy whose conscience eats away at him whenever someone is upset with him, even if it wasn’t his fault in the first place. So he approached the roommate and apologized for whatever he had said in anger the other night. He then looked expectantly at the other boy, anticipating some sort of reciprocal acknowledgement or apology. Instead, his roommate stared back belligerently and retorted, “So. What do you want me to say?”

H’s theory is that the roommate has never in his life been expected to apologize for anything wrong he may have said or done, and so the concept of apologizing is foreign to him. I responded that while apologizing takes strength, humility, and courage, the notion is not a given in every society. I think the ability to apologize varies based on one’s culture and upbringing. I, for example, hate apologizing or otherwise admitting I’m wrong. This may be due to my strong-willed, temperamental, stubborn Pukhtun roots. Or it may be due to the fact that I’m the rebel child of the family, and conformity has never been my strong suit, even when it comes to admitting another person’s viewpoint may have some merit. Or the fact that, when I was a child, my father used to impatiently tell me to stop crying, because crying was a sign of weakness, and so I’ve come to associate crying – and by default, apologizing – with weakness, and who the hell wants to be weak anyway? Or it could even be because there is no specific phrase in my Hindku dialect that one could use to say in a straightforward, uncomplicated manner, “I am sorry.”

Is the ability to apologize with ease based on one’s culture and upbringing?

Discuss.

Random conversational tangents are always welcome, as usual.

[Comments.]

bombs and butterflies Spoken word poetry should…

bombs and butterflies

Spoken word poetry should speak to the heart and soul. Or, at least, that’s how I take it. Check out these beautiful people –

Calligraphy of Thought [Not a part of the above spoken-word event, but they still come first in my book.]

iLL-Literacy

Mango Tribe

Lady Wonders of 8th Wonder

Freedom Writers

Take the time to read through the websites above. And if any of these groups are performing at a location near you – go.

nerd boy extraordinaire

nerd boy extraordinaire

H is devastated to hear I didn’t get a job I recently applied for, one where we would have been working together, thus ensuring that I could stop calling him and leaving threatening voicemails asking where he is and why he hides from his friends. He takes the news personally, even though I’m smiling and telling him I’m actually relieved, because it means I won’t have to work on weekends and holidays after all.

“But I would have worked all those shifts for you!” he protests.

“Dude, really, you don’t need those extra shifts. And, trust me, I’m glad I didn’t get it after all.”

“I’m so mad at her!” he exclaims, stomping around like a little kid about to throw a temper tantrum. “I put in a good word for you. I said all these nice things. And then she didn’t even hire you!”

“Don’t worry about it, really. It’s not important anymore.”

“She and I are gonna have a little talk,” he says mutinously.

“Calm down, child,” I say in amusement.

He rubs his hands across his jaw and chin, patting the neat little beard that just recently was a goatee. “Fine. Now I’m going to grow my beard extra-bushy, just to spite her,” he says of his supervisor, as I collapse in laughter.

My favorite geranium man

Daddy-o: Yasminay, you want to see a rainbow?
Yasmine: Sure. Where’s it at?
Daddy-o: Look in that direction, over by that tree. ::sprays the hose so that the water catches the sunlight:: Do you see it??
Yasmine: aww, that’s beautiful, Daddy. Thank you.
Daddy-o: You’re very welcome. ::sniffs:: Why do you smell like cigarettes?
Yasmine: Uhh, I was smoking it up while you all were busy gardening out here.
Daddy-o: ::narrows his eyes, whether as a threat or in confusion, I don’t know::
Yasmine: ::hastily backtracks:: Just kidding. Actually, I left the English muffins in the toaster for too long. As in, way, way too long.
_________________

Yasmine: I can’t believe you two have been married for thirty years.
Daddy-o: It’s because your mother makes better coffee than anyone.
Yasmine: Mm-hmm. I think Ummy married you just ’cause you plant pretty flowers.
Daddy-o: Oh, of course. And I plant them all for her, you know.
_________________

Daddy-o: ::waves a snail back-and-forth in front of my face:: Ooooooh…
Yasmine: Uh, Daddy, I’m not the screaming kind, you know.
Daddy-o: ::visibly disappointed:: You think maybe it’ll work on [the sister] instead?
Yasmine: Hey, it’s always worth a try.
_________________

Daddy-o: I think your mother and I should move back to Vancouver when I retire. We’ll live there for a while, and then move back to the village.
Yasmine: Oh yeah? Sounds like a pretty good plan to me.
Daddy-o: Yasminay, you guys should look into getting Canadian citizenship again.
Yasmine: Yeah, I checked it out last summer, but then I got all confused and let it go.
Daddy-o: Americans are so stuffy. Not the people – the people are wonderful – but the government. Canada is more progressive and multicultural.
Yasmine: Mm-hmm.
Daddy-o: And, plus, Canada has a prettier flag. With a maple leaf. Get it? Leaves? Gardening?
Yasmine: Ohh, Daddy.

and words can never really help you say/what you want them to anyway

I had an idea for a Women of Color Conference workshop that involves a film, followed by discussion. The film is entitled The Way Home, and I saw it over a year ago, so the details are somewhat fuzzy, but I think it just might work.

All I actually wanted was to hear feedback on my workshop design, but the program coordinator considered our circle of a dozen and said, “Some of you haven’t had to deal with a difficult workshop participant before. How would you handle a situation where someone was extremely vocal about his or her perspectives and beliefs, and didn’t want to listen to anyone else’s thoughts?”

We decided to try it out.

C, a Latina female, was designated “Maria,” the difficult workshop participant, while two others were assigned to be facilitators. The rest of us were to play regular workshop participants.

Having forgotten much of the film’s detailed dialogue, I made an unsteady attempt to start off the discussion by vaguely remarking that, as a Muslim, I felt I could identify with some of the experiences and stereotypes discussed by the Arab American women in the video. “Maria” raised her eyebrows disdainfully and said, “What stereotypes? I’ve never heard of any Arab or Muslim stereotypes.”

“Just because you’re ignorant of them doesn’t mean the stereotypes don’t exist,” I retorted.

She waved her hand dismissively and changed tactics. “I don’t feel my ethnic group was properly represented in this film. After all, the stereotypes and experiences of my people are harsher and much more hurtful than anything experienced by any of you. Any of you!” She tossed her head and stared around the circle defiantly.

I narrowed my eyes. “What makes you think you have the right to validate your experiences at the expense of negating mine?” I shot back hotly, and it all went downhill from there. For nearly two hours.

C slipped into her role so effortlessly that it was almost too easy to forget this was a practice session, that each of us was supposed to be playing a role, that each scornful remark C made in her role as “Maria” does not reflect any view she personally holds. It sounds ludicrous, but I felt betrayed, sitting across from this girl I thought I knew well enough, hearing her dismiss my experiences, thoughts, and feelings as irrelevant, imaginary, unimportant. She may have been playing a role, but the resentment I felt was very real.

I’ve been intensively trained in workshop facilitation, cross-cultural communication, leadership skills, diversity issues, all that fun stuff. I think I’m good at it, and I know I’m getting better. But for once, I was in the position of a participant and not a facilitator. It was almost exhilarating, ignoring the ground rules – especially: This is a dialogue, not a debate and Listen to others with respect – and forging ahead, making my sarcastic retorts in response to “Maria’s” sneering generalizations. I wanted to wipe that smirk off her face oh so badly, to hurt her just as much as I was feeling hurt by her sweeping statements and cold indifference, to attack her just as I was personally feeling attacked.

Simply put, I was pissed off. It’s a good thing she was sitting across the circle, otherwise I was so angry that I felt like, in the words of a colleague, “reaching over and strangling her with her own hair.”

I’m still wondering why I was so impatient at her attitude and annoyed with her comments, why it was so difficult for me to sit back and let her finish so much as a sentence without making aggressive statements of my own. Perhaps I expect my own generation, especially the university students I interact with on a daily basis, to be more open-minded and knowledgeable than other strangers I’ve come across, and this exercise made it frighteningly obvious that I can’t always trust myself to be calm and coherent in situations where others are ignorant about who I am and what I stand for.