You’re puttin’ too much on it, your attitude ain’t even wanted

Did you grow up wth scissors like these when you were a kid? Me either
Did you grow up wth scissors like these when you were a kid? Me either, by yaznotjaz.

We haven’t talked about hair in a while, so this would probably be a good time to tell you how, a couple of weeks ago, I decided my sideswept bangs needed to be trimmed. What I had forgotten, unfortunately, was that – as I was explaining to Iffat recently – I should never be trusted with scissors and self-haircut jobs. [Iffat has a great post about hair, too, by the way.]

I sent out an email to some girlfriends. Subject line: My crazy bangs, via Photobooth.

ahhhh, look what i did, yaars!
i was trying to keep my bangs sideswept, but shorter, so i trimmed, but trimmed too fast and cut off a chunk at once, much shorter than i had meant for it to be. so then i had to cut everything the same length. so much for sideswept. HAHAHA now i look *SO EMO*!
good thing my hairS grown back hella fast.
thought you guys could use some laughs, especially those of you who are stuDYING for finals.
hijab was invented for crackheads like me. it is a fact.
-yazzO

My email spawned a GMail thread with 56 replies, many of which were hilarious.

Ayesha1: Yaz, wow. Yeah hijab definitely works for you! =)

rehes: aaaahhahah :) really just laughing cuz i see you about to bust out at yourself in the last photo… your bangs themselves look nice and neat!!

Ayesha2: DUDE! I love you so much!!!
I really didn’t expect you’ll send me not just one, not two but THREE pictures of THE BANGS. haha, AWESOME yaaaar!
you should print and keep it under your yearly album kinda thing (if you don’t have one, make one) and then show it your kids – they’ll certainly enjoy more than you :D
and I love your bluish-black hair colour, it reminded of the time when I tried purplish-black, which looked really nice.
Thanks much for laugh, rockstar!

B: It looks sultry, I say. Now you’re gonna have to pin or gel your bangs back so you don’t have little pokers on your forehead. But then again, your wrap is on so tight, it might just do the job.

Somayya:
YAZ! i like them! i think you look fabulous! :) i say, let the bangs out! :)

rehes again: oooh bangs hanging outta the hee-jab….now that is scandal in a box!!!! :D me like. hahahah

The Sister: I love it! You look like you’re 3 or 4 again! When I get home I’m pulling out your baby pics so we can compare! haha
EMO!!!!
Straighten the longer bangs on the side and then it’ll look even cooler!

B again: Bangs out? NO, NO!! Then I will have to declare you a hojabi.

Ayesha2: HOJABI! hahahhaha – what a blasphemous oxymoron. Be a sport, B, her bangs would be like tiny tassles of her scarf ;)

B: No, I can’t allow her to let her bangs out… It would ruin her [professional] reputation.

H: She has a reputation???

Anjum: Giiirl, you should not be allowed near scissors again. Thank God for your hijab. I’m sure you’ve heard all this before.

Zana: hahahahahahaha i love you!!!!
your facial expression is a killer! i was laughing so hard and i’m not allowed to laugh hard at the moment in case my ear drum perforates but yaar it was worth it!
you’re so cute and you look so adorable.

Zana again: this fringe (bang) is really ‘in’ in London, hun, seriously. I think it looks so funky. I can’t believe how different you look minus hijaab, i always wondered what your hair would be like under those gorgeous cheereh you wear…. and it’s kinky shinky hawt!

A few days later, I sent Somayya an email with a couple of more photos: This is what it looks like these days. [After a morning spent listening to the brother tease me for looking like the Beatles.]

The response:
“You look like SPOCK!!! from Star Wars!”

I think the Spock look was because of the crazy eyebrow action. I have awesome eyebrows, in case you didn’t know. They’re also supposedly fierce and tyrannical. Must be the Pukhtun in me.

And, then, a [guy] friend caught my bangs references on facebook and messaged me, all amused, with: Did you give yourself a Betty Page hairstyle?

The hell is Betty Page? So I did some research. Err, yeah, they kinda are like Betty Page’s bangs. Good to know.

Moral of the story: Keep scissors away from kids. Especially those who are left-handed.
The end.

11 thoughts on “You’re puttin’ too much on it, your attitude ain’t even wanted

  1. too funny, yaar. i must see these fotoos you speak of.

    listen to this:

    a long, long time ago, when i was a little kid, still living in pakistan, my aunt wore this black fur-trimmed wool hat to the city. it was one of those geeky hats that tie at the front. as she was waiting for the bus, the woman behind her stopped her to say, “haiN, sister, why do you have such an ugly hair cut? you look like a sheared sheep, you know.”

    sheared sheep = “moni pade” in punjabi. ’tis a lovely expression. use it someday.

    also, it’s a true story.

  2. Dude, I love that look! Once, when my mom was visiting me at college, she decided I needed to have my bangs trimmed. Why oh WHY did I let her come near me with the scissors? Needless to say – too short! I went out that weekend, and the bartender (a friend) said “God! You look like your MOM trimmed your bangs!” I think I looked completely stricken.

    iffat: I *love* that story because what could your aunt possibly say? “Why do you have such an ugly hair cut?” “Um, because……?”

  3. haha
    I am reading all the crazy comments again and laughing very hardly. I even emailed this whole conversation to Anjum later that night and NOW you have a post. SUPERB!
    Didja show your emo bangs to fathima and iffat? I am sure they would be really amuse too.

    iffat: MONI PADE!
    HAHAHA – this is ridiculously funny, i haven’t heared that term in a decade. I am repeating the woman’s comment about your aunt’s hair in Punjabi and story seems more funnier :D

  4. hi it’s a funny story; some years ago i did the same thing, trying to make the bangs equal on both sides i cut them too too short. my hair is so frizzy and it never grows, i was stuck with the frizz balls all over my forehead for months. believe me you’re lucky you look like the beatles, atleast the hair is flat on the brow.

  5. Oh dude, I’ll meet your bad bangs story and raise you a total OLD LADY HAIRCUT TRAGEDY. People below the age of 50 simply SHOULD NOT have ANY part of their hair ‘feathered.’ Damned beautician! *shakes fist*

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