we donâ€™t talk about the little things that we do without/when that whole mad season comes around
Just in case you were wondering â€“ which you probably weren’t, but I’m telling you anyway, so pay attention â€“ this weblog may now also be accessed though www.ramblingmonologues.com.
And I am not at liberty to further elaborate on this. So, the end.
Meanwhile, how ’bout you wander around and practice saying “dotcom” in a fobby desi accent, because I could really use some laughs right about now.
And if youâ€™re not amused at the prospect of repeatedly saying “dotcom” in a fobby desi accent, then you:
– are not desi/South Asian
– do not know any desi/South Asian people
– do not feel ridiculously claustrophobic in a roomful of desis
– do not appreciate the hilarity that ensues when desi people make fun of themselves
– do not have a cool cousin who bought you a large order of french fries yesterday without you even asking. To reiterate: a LARGE order of fries.
– did not consume an energy drink on an empty stomach on your way up to school early this morning on three hours of sleep
– did not curse said energy drink because you had to go pee every half hour or so once you got to the computer lab at the library
– don’t want to point out that this is the first time in two years of blogging that you have used the word “pee” in a post
– don’t find this ridiculously funny, for some reason
– donâ€™t think Iâ€™m funny
– are not funny yourself, because I said so, so there, the end!
– donâ€™t find it ironic that you’re constantly talking about endings when you’re such a procrastinator you barely start anything in the first place
– did not curse some more for downing that energy drink on empty stomach, since the result was panicky feelings, shortness of breath, and butterflies in your stomach for the whole entire rest of the day, mainly while you were trying to write your papers
– did not silently talk to yourself: “Take deep breaths, crazy child. What the hell is wrong with you? Get yourself together already.”
– did not decide that reminding yourself to breathe takes way too much effort
– did not jokingly call a (desi) co-worker “annoying” yesterday, whereupon he spitefully refused to help you with a question later that afternoon because “annoying people donâ€™t know the answer to that.”
– did not laugh and roll your eyes and tell said co-worker to get over his self-pity already and go hang up photos of his new wife in his cubicle, whereupon he decided to speak to you only in Punjabi and ignore your attempts at steering the conversation back towards English
– did not hold a real actual conversation with said (desi) co-worker in which he spoke Punjabi and you responded in Hindku
– do not think that driving in the early morning fog is a beautiful experience
– did not write five papers of various lengths this week, with two more left to go
– did not realize until this morning that one of those research papers you had due today was supposed to be closer to ten pages rather than the five you thought
– did not almost change your entire research topic at the last minute because of that
– are clearly so not with it
– don’t think that being with it is overrated
– do not have a teaching assistant who smiled and offered you two pieces (to reiterate: TWO!) of homemade baklava when you rushed over to her office to turn in your other ten-page paper this afternoon
– did not smile at random people on the road today because you recognized their personal license plates and/or cars from other days of commuting and got all excited
– couldn’t find the barbecue beans at the market, only to finally realize they were sitting way up on the highest shelf
– joked, “I can never find things if they’re placed above my eye level,” and were disappointed when the girl at the register didn’t so much as crack a smile
– clearly are not funny, so get over it already
– did not attempt to sneak hot chocolate (with whipped cream!) into the library, and almost quite successfully, too, if your sorry nerdy bookworm self had not turned at the last minute to grab a newspaper off the stand while you were at it
– did not have the (desi) security guard tsk at you and take you aside to say, “Now, if you had just tried that in the evening, I would have let it goâ€¦”
– did not drink your hot chocolate (with whipped cream!) outside while standing in the rain, and enjoy every single minute of it
– did not miss H because of the fact that whenever he was stressed out during finals week, you used to go print out the list of Duas For Studying for him, and then print out a stack for everyone else while you were at it, which meant you yourself actually used to utilize the duas, too
– did not eat onlyâ€¦ummâ€¦three?…real meals this week
– did not gasp in wonder at hills that turned green overnight
– don’t have your arms and legs majorly aching because youâ€™ve been taking one- to two-hour naps on the floor of your bedroom during the past week
– didn’t laugh out loud during the drive home while mentally composing this list
– would like to point out that this list really has nothing whatsoever to do with your inclination (or lack thereof) to repeatedly say “dotcom” in a fobby desi accent
– are clearly not easily amused enough for your own good
– are still a rockstar anyway, because I said so, so there, the end.