While I was trying to condense everything that I meant in a minute or less

Not "HOT," apparently
“Smug expression on the slightly bow-legged bull in center front,” originally uploaded by yaznotjaz.

While taking photos at Oakland’s Lake Merritt one gray afternoon, I zoomed in on this pier because I thought someone had spray-painted the word “HOT” on there, which I thought was the funniest thing in the world. Only when uploading the photos later did I realize that it actually says “AOT,” and I have no idea what the hell that means. Thanks a whole LOT for ruining my amusement, whoever you were.

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The phone: Oh, how I hate it. But while I often cringe at having to call people, I love text-messaging as a form of communication. However, as Rockstar Extraordinaire, I have had to expand my phone’s vocabulary and add certain words to its repertoire, so that I don’t have to completely type them out every single time. Once, I tried typing CRACKHEAD, and the phone spit out SECONDODBTINO. Yeah, I don’t know either. Another day (and this mistake doesn’t even make sense), I tried to type GOES, and the cell phone came up with HEMP. Clearly, my phone is beginning to understand drug references.

Recently, I had to opt for “Add word:DAMN,” because I’ve been using it so often in text messages (for example, in regards to work-related evening meetings: “They damn well better have food there, is all I’m saying.”). I guess “damn” is an R-rated word for my phone.

Other vocabulary words of which my phone needed to be apprised: CRACKHEADED/CRACKHEADEDNESS, EDIBLICIOUS, VAT DIS DRAMA?, YAAR, VATEWER, FOBSTER, VAT USELESSNESS, LOWVE, HOLY FREAKIN’ SMOLEY, MON LAIVE, MUTHAFUCKLE.

How’s your phone’s vocabulary? Also, am I the only person who (besides my lapses into fobby-Desi vocabularly and sentence structure, of course) text-messages with perfect spelling and grammar, complete with precisely-placed commas (because to do otherwise would kill me)?

18 thoughts on “While I was trying to condense everything that I meant in a minute or less

  1. I LOVE texting. Not so much the phoning shoning.

    And yes, I too am anal about spelling/grammar. wHn pPL rITe lkE dIS it DRv me nuTz, LolZ.

    Now I must go wash my hands.

  2. Baraka,
    You know what’s funny? I still remember the first phone-contact I got from you – it was a text message asking if I were free to attend a picnic for R’s birthday at Mission Dolores, and I remember being so grateful that you asked via text-messaging instead of voicemail. I feared that if I had had to call you back, I would have been so intimidated that I’d have stuttered and stammered my way through the conversation. =)

    Jay,
    I’m glad it amused you! =) (Clearly, you and I both have the same crackheaded sleeping habits. It does not bode well for tomorrow…err, today.) Good night, buddy.

  3. Lol, hmm when I type, my grammar is usually on point (except gchatting, but even there, I don’t take too many shortcuts). But while txting? No way can I handle the drama of being proper. :)

  4. tp and i can’t stand the phone. so much so that zp has picked up our pavlovian response and excitedly shrieks, “uh oh!” whenever he hears the first ring.

  5. Salamaat,
    I haven’t gotten into texing as much, for I can’t stand to read and write text speak for one; and it takes entirely too long to type in full sentences.

    Hey, I am so glad our sunny blog is back in action :)

  6. My dad text messages is complete Abbu English. Like this.

    SALAM BETA.

    HOW ARE YOU? PLEASE BRING HOME ROTI. ALL ELSE IS FINE.

    LOVE
    ABBU

    And it takes him about half an hour to do one of those. You’re in good company.

  7. hahaha, your father is – since this is a yaz-claimed zone – a crackstar.

    also, i cannot imagine my parents texting people. as it is, i type out all my father’s email. seeing him finger his way through the keyboard is distressing.
    and i hate sending text messages – finding the stupid letters – and i want so badly to use commas, except um, i don’t know where they are. i restrict myself, therefore, to short sentences. with periods.

    but i love receiving them. :o)

  8. I feel you on the AOT. In Cairo I was on a falucca, right, and someone had spray painted “watch yer head” in colloquial Arabic, but I thought it said something else, so that was kinda disappointing.

    My phone converts everything I type into proper English grammar, spelling and pronunciation. Yes, even pronunciation.

    Papa K is my main muthafuckle.

  9. Heehee, you make me laugh.

    I have proudly added Eid Mubarak, and Jummah into my phone’s vocabulary :)

    I also hate talking on the phone, so messaging is the perfect way to avoid that!

  10. you’re not alone. i almost always type out my text messages with full words, sentences and punctuations, even if it means it’ll spill onto a second msg.
    no wonder i get charged so much when i txt my fiancee in pakistan :P

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